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It stood there, a silent testimony to what had happened—damn!—almost exactly a year ago. I could still hear the screaming. I could still see Paulie’s body sprawled out in front of me. I could still feel Wendy rush into my arms with her hair on fire. How hoarse I was for days after from the screaming I’d done. How I’d become Wendy’s hero—a poor title if you asked me. Even worse than being called her master. And now Kate...The tears still wouldn’t come. I stood there in front of all that tragedy and all that hope, the Te Deum still ringing in my ears from the dedication last spring, and nothing came. I turned my back and headed to the studio.I didn’t bother sketching anything on the new canvas before I started applying paint. Red. Black. Purple. White. Wet blends of earth tones as my anger and frustration began to dissipate into the silence that surrounded me. I didn’t use a brush, but a palette knife, scooping gobs of oil paint directly onto the canvas and using that as my mixing. "I feel a new feeling towards them - indifference. And my mind floods with these new thoughts: Jake, my writing, my photography, all the possibilities open to me. It's almost like a poor-sighted person trying on glasses for the first time. My view has drastically changed. ~~~July 4th, 9:00 pmAs I walk up the hill, he slowly comes into view. My pace quickens with my heart rate. Looking around, it is the same hill we were on the other day, but the flowers are more prolific, the grass is greener, and the air is lighter. It's like I am seeing my surroundings for the first time.He hears my footsteps and turns to me and stands. Our eyes meet and we just stare at each other in silence. I know he is waiting for my words. "I am free to love again," I whisper, then repeat, "I am free to love again," in a stronger voice."And what day is today?" he asks with a smile."Today is July 4th, 2020. I don't live in 2019 anymore." I pause before continuing, "You freed me." You freed yourself. The power.
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